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The surgeon general of the United States recently named loneliness as America’s top health problem, revealing that nearly half of the country’s adults report feelings of isolation and deteriorating mental health. In Made for People: Why We Drift into Loneliness and How to Fight for a Life of Friendship, Justin Whitmel Earley advocates a recovery of “covenant friendship,” marked by commitment, vulnerability, and intentional rhythms and rituals. Aaron Damiani, author of Earth Filled with Heaven and pastor of Immanuel Anglican Church in Chicago, spoke with Earley about making friendship a priority within the church.
What motivated you to write about friendship?
As a high schooler, I had a lot of acquaintances but no real friends. Then, on a youth retreat, I met a guy named Steve while playing Hacky Sack. We discovered a common passion for skateboarding and playing the drums.
A huge turning point came when one of us—I forget who—took a risk and asked an awkwardly intentional question: “Do you want to be best friends?” We agreed we would—and this simple commitment changed my whole life. Suddenly I was facing the world with the strength of a friend. I can see now that the anxiety I had thought was baked into life is actually baked into loneliness.
What exactly is a “covenant friendship”?
The word friend has become diluted in our social media–driven culture. That’s why I use “covenant friendship”—a relationship where someone fully knows you and loves you anyway, just as Jesus does. Covenant friendships are not some elite class; they are just friendships marked by vulnerability and a commitment to stick around. They are characterized by a mutual desire to truly know and support each other, grounded in intentional commitment.
Do you worry that this kind of vulnerability and intentionality might scare off men, in particular?
Regardless of gender, people often find it scary to live with the ...